Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
