All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
