I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize