I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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