My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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