you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You have to summon your inner elephant
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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