good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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