Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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