So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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