Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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