I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
