you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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