Barsexuality is the new black.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
