lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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