NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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