Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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