I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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