Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
