just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
