"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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