Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
