I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
