Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
