Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
