Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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