fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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