i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My life is pants optional.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
