I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
