Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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