Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
