Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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