is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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