so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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