I miss vodka workout Fridays
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
