giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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