did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
