what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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