hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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