Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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