so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
two words...techno handjob
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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