Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
