I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
