I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
