turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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