I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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