booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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