Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
