i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
