I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize