boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
