There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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