I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
