I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we should paint friendship bongs
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