If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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