I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
