On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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