my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i will never coherently bang her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
