She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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