So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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