Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize