on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
